Throwing pebbles in the pool of blood [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
once you make a choice, you're stuck

(no subject) [Jul. 8th, 2009|03:51 pm]
[Mood | morose]

In which I start crying because a) I cannot find the USB charger for my mp3 player and b) my sister, trying to cheer me up with a hug, squeezed an invisible bruise on my arm.
O HAI wacky hormones, pls to piss off and stop bugging me nao k thx.
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(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2009|11:55 am]
[Mood | tired]

Tonight one of my high school classmates came by while I was at work. He was pretty drunk and shouted "Johanna! What are you DOING here?! You ought to be working at, I dunno, NASA or something! If you don't start studying PROPERLY soon I'll come here and tutor you myself," leaning over the counter to give me a hug. Then he bought condoms and pestered the other customers for a while before continuing on his way.
Normally I'm not fond of drunk people OR meeting former classmates, but this cheered me up to no end. I probably need to get out more.
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(no subject) [Jul. 1st, 2009|06:05 pm]
[Mood | thirsty]

Sacrilegious as though this sentiment might be considered here in otherwise not-exactly-sunkissed Scandinavia: I long for autumn. I hate the heat we're having currently. The temperature in the shadow at 1PM was 28C; two and a half hours later it was 33C and now the sun has hit the thermometer I am not really sure, but I think it's safe to assume that it's not any less. The bedroom window faces west, I have no blinds (and thus get to experience the joy of unending Nordic sunsets), my sleep is fucked (and not in the good way). I wake up soaked in sweat, heart racing, sticking to the sheets and my clothes and everything.
I was going to go shopping for clothes today, as my wardrobe has displayed a not insignificant shortcoming in the summer department, but I am pretty sure I'll give that a miss and instead concentrate on stuffing my face with watermelon. Also - if I go to bed about now, maybe I'll be asleep before the heat becomes unbearable. Worth a shot.
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(no subject) [Jun. 26th, 2009|01:08 pm]
Frankly I am more upset about the news of some twat in Denmark who forgot (!!!) to drop his 1-year old off at the kindergarten and left the kid in the back seat of the car outside his job all day. In the afternoon the mother was supposed to pick the baby up and called him when it turned out she wasn't there, but of course that was several hours too late. Fucking disgusting.


That said, it's gotta suck to be one of those poor bastards who've bought overpriced tickets from scalpers. No way they're gonna be able to get a refund. (I would laugh, but if it had been David Bowie I would definitely have done the same thing myself, so it's probably best not to - karma and all that...)
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(no subject) [Jun. 25th, 2009|08:54 am]
[Mood | exanimate]

The height of my productivity yesterday was ordering tickets (well, tickeT really) to see (hear!) Prodigy in November. (In my town, no travelling involved for that one.)
Today I might try getting some laundry done. Maybe.
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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2009|07:08 am]
[Mood | blah]

- Three weeks of hamburgers on offer have come to an end! Now they have reverted to their old overpriced status, nobody really buys them anymore. Joy! (What, you're not interested in hearing about my job? Too bad!)

- One of my colleagues has got a new and surprisingly flattering haircut. It's so I have to keep reminding myself that coworkers are off-limits, especially if they are also a pain in the arse. Crikey, self. Stop doing that.

- Due to overexposure via the playlist at work, I have almost started to like The Killers' Human.


Okay, enough about work. Now, what else is new?


- I have calluses inside my right hand... from the broom... at work... Damn it! Here, let's try again:

- I had pizza last night...?

- I will have leftover pizza for breakfast. If I can be arsed to get up and stick it in the oven to reheat already. Not very likely.

- Man, I hate cooking. Even if it's not cooking as such. Whyyyy do I have to get hungry all the time? *whines*

- I am so tired.

- The end.
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2009|01:21 pm]
[Mood | amused]

On my way home from work yesterday I saw a guy with the following tattooed in large black letters across the back of his neck:

</head>
< body>


WIN.
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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2009|02:02 pm]
[Mood | apathetic]

Rewarding one's weight loss with cookies is probably counterproductive (especially when it was only one measly kilo), but those darn CookieTree folks make them too delicious that I'm able to resist. Bah!

We have hamburgers on special offer (the Terminator Menu!) right now at work, which not only means that I have to wear a rather unsightly T-shirt with Terminator Salvation advertising in front and "Terminate your hunger and thirst" (yes, it actually says that!) on the back, but also that I have to drop whatever I am doing to make people burgers much more often than usual, which, frankly, I really don't have the time for. It culminated on Saturday night (well, technically Sunday morning as I work from midnight) when I must have served a dozen hamburgers between 0:30 - 2AM. (It doesn't sound like a lot, but normally our hamburger sales in an entire day never touch double figures. Heck, they barely do now they're on offer!)
We use a contraption called a high-speed oven to prepare these burgers (which are raw and therefore should be grilled in well, a grill, which we don't have - there are pre-(fried? grilled? cooked?) burgers available that just have to be re-heated in the high-speed oven, but for some reason nobody thought to order them instead), and it got full of grease (there's a lot of that in hamburgers) which burnt (as it tends to do).
So eventually the shop was filled with smoke wafting slowly through the air, creating beautiful misty halos around the halogen lights, etc, etc, and I got a sore throat and felt pretty sick from the smell and hoped the fire alarm wouldn't go off, and two taxi drivers came in and wondered whether I'd set something on fire.

Tonight I'm going to see a former classmate perform in a play where she's doing a cameo appearance as herself (she is a quite reputable recorder player). I have no idea what to expect. Or what to wear, but it is a pretty low-key theatre thankfully. I might try to get caught up with my friends page at some point. (No, not during the performance.)
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(no subject) [Jun. 2nd, 2009|06:12 pm]
We had a Mystery Shopper at the store tonight. He couldn't have chosen a worse time - yesterday was Pentecost Monday, which is a public holiday here, so all regular shops were closed all day and there was a crazy influx of people all through the day and up until around 2 AM - he was there around 1:45. So the shelves looked like we'd been robbed, the floors were filthy, the area behind the counter was a mess, the counter itself was understocked and the garbage cans were a disgrace. Last time they visited, in February, we scored 97.5% - Nima, who is probably the best salesperson of us all, was the one who dealt with the 'customer' and the only thing that detracted from the score on that occasion was dirty floors - let's just say that won't happen this time. I just hope I did ask if he wanted something to drink with his food. I can't remember.


My sister texted me from the pet shop to ask how one resuscitates a tarantula. My response, if slightly more elaborate, went along the lines of "W.T.F?!" Turns out she thought it was having a heat stroke... after much texting back and forth and consulting of Wikipedia, we eventually determined that it needed increased humidity and might be having trouble molting - and lo, shortly afterwards I got a morbidly triumphant text: "Yes! Its back is starting to fall off! :)" So that seems like it's ending well. Woo!
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2009|02:37 pm]
[Mood | perspirating profusely]

You know your workplace might benefit from improved airconditioning when the chocolate melts on the shelves. Perhaps needless to say, I too am pretty melted. (My coworker tried to put things in perspective a bit by telling horror stories from her time working at a McDonald's, but it didn't really help.)

To whoever thought it would be a good idea to dump like 10kg of sausages, burgers, pork chops and the like, not properly inside but *all over* the trash can out back and leave it like that, in the sun, over the weekend: I am not amused and would very much like to slap you across the face with the moldy, reeking remnants of what was apparently a rather unsuccessful barbecue.

Man, I want a shower.
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(no subject) [May. 30th, 2009|01:28 am]
[Mood | cynical]

Budgeting to myself out loud...

I make about $1900/£1200 a month. Renting a room (which will actually be more like a teeny tiny flat, since I refuse to take anything that doesn't have a bathroom of its own - trust me, you wouldn't either after living with my family all your life) will be about $850/£550. That is not the problem. The problem is that people who have rooms for hire often take three months' worth of rent as a deposit. I could easily save that sum in a couple months - if it weren't for my mother's bills, which amount to about $1550/£1000 in any given month and which she is unable to pay as she is still out of work (unemployment only amounts to ~$500/£300, most of which she recklessly spends on herself). Thankfully, the other spoilt brat with whom I am so unfortunate as to share living quarters has reluctantly agreed to split the bills in half - she makes nearly as much as me, after all - but I still pay most of the food, and I do actually have bills of my own.

And with that, I am opening this question to the public: WTF do I *do* to GTFO of here ASAP?
(Before anyone suggests prostitution: I have considered that, multiple times in fact, but - grossness and health risks aside - with my hip joints it is really not a viable option.)


ETA: Meanwhile, checking Facebook, it appears that my 19-year old cousin, still a hairdresser's apprentice, has BOUGHT a flat with her new boyfriend. I think the universe is giving me the finger.
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One of these updates you don't need [May. 29th, 2009|01:03 am]
The shower drain is clogged, so showering results in a minor flood each time. The toilet is leaking from somewhere we have yet to locate. (Nothing gross, just water, but still.) These things wouldn't be problems in and of themselves - if it weren't for the water leaking a) north, towards our hall, evidenced by bumpy doorstep with big dark spot; b) west, towards our kitchen, evidenced by cold, bulging floorboards; and c) east, towards the main hallway - yes, the one all our neighbours pass through on their way in or out - where the bottom row of "faux-brick" tiles on the outside of the bathroom wall is now wet and discoloured. Whether there's a leak to the south remains unclear, as our neighbours haven't said anything, and also the wall between us is concrete, unlike the others which are plaster. The moldy smell persists - but no longer just in the bathroom and flat itself; it is rather noticeable in the outer hallway as well. Winning the lottery about now would be most welcome.


I am feeling kind of frustrated lately, and it is mostly my own fault. More or less unrelatedly, I've been thinking up long and disjointed posts about how I am not cut out for social...ness? - and how people use each other, but they will have to wait for some other day, as I am certainly not staying up any longer.
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(no subject) [May. 28th, 2009|01:03 am]
[Mood | amused]

Taking the subway on weekend nights is always an experience. This Friday was no exception.
The stop after mine, ten or so guys in their late teens/early twenties enter, sit down one row ahead of me, and immediately break out in a reggaeton-esque freestyle-rap jam session (for the record - although it really doesn't matter, but slightly amusing nonetheless: these guys seemed to be Pakistani, Kurd/Turkish/Serbian/Albanian/something and white in pretty equal numbers), accompanied by hand clapping, floor stomping, beatbox...ing? and friggin' POUNDING ON THE WINDOWS. Aye.

At first, I was totally taken aback by this - you have to consider that I work nights, in a predominantly white area that wishes it was more posh than it is (why on Earth I got myself a job there, being thoroughly sick of the place after three years of going to high school not ten minutes' walk away, I do not know), and as such the only kind of nightlife I encounter (apart from the subway rides to work) consists of preppy high school seniors, uni freshmen with entitlement issues and their girlfriends, for whom drunkenness is just another excuse to be obnoxious. I had simply become accustomed to 'rowdy' meaning 'hella nasty drunk' and forgotten that people from my part of town, despite media giving us a bad rap, are often REALLY REALLY loud, but usually benign. (In fact, I'd go so far as to say that somebody needs to hold a grudge towards you personally, or you have to walk up to their face and ask for it, to get in trouble - in the nearly 24 years I've lived here, I have never, ever feared for either my life or my possessions. But then I was also never affiliated with the cool kids in jr. high who were into all sorts of shady business - I believe these things stay internal within certain groups. Goodness, that sounded so snotty, but how else can I put it? This bracketed sequence is more than long enough already.)

It was plain to see that other passengers, too, were reacting the same way I had at first - newcomers glanced briefly at the ensemble and hurried up to the front of the train; people who were already seated tensed up and shifted nervously. None of the jolly boys seemed to care, and the singing, for lack of a more accurately descriptive term, continued. A couple stops later, and a guy I recognised from school - Christian, a year above me, older sister OD'd and died at 17 - came in. Enthusiastic shrieks and an impromptu rap to his honour ensued, and suddenly a bunch of rather inebriated girls came dancing up the aisle from the back of the train, waving their beer cans and long-stemmed roses. And just as I was wondering where they might have got the latter from, a little old Gypsy woman came after them with her arms full of the flowers which she was obviously selling, and then everybody was dancing and rapping and singing and shouting and thumping on the walls and the windows and the ceiling, and Christian was standing right in the middle of it, laughing his head off and filming the whole thing with his mobile. Oh. My. Goodness.

I could barely contain my giggling at this point, and it didn't help when a scruffy looking middle-aged man entered with his bike and sourly asked them to shut up - to which they merely reacted with a split second of baffled silence before continuing the freestyle rap, now dissing him, his "dirty cap," the soccer team he was supporting and the fact that he was taking up a lot of space with the bike; all in a way that might not have been very poetic *or* poignant, but bloody hilarious all the same. I spent about 25 minutes on that train before I had to change, and I swear this musical escapade went on in some form or another for at least 20 of them. After I left the train, I could hear them perfectly well from outside - not least the walls-and-windows-banging - other people waiting on the platform stared anxiously at the carriage as if expecting it to fall apart any minute, and I cannot say I blame them; that's pretty much how it sounded. It was fucking EPIC. Man, I wish *I* had thought to film it.
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I Dreamed A Dream... [May. 22nd, 2009|12:35 pm]
[Mood | disappointed]

... That I could reach to cut my toenails. I was so happy when I woke up.
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2009|09:20 pm]
[Mood | groggy]

Tonight I had to tell a girl to leave the store because we've got video proof of her shoplifting. I had alerted the store manager after her last visit on Monday a week ago, because she was bringing a young boy with her and they both were acting suspicious, and upon inspection of the tapes it turns out I was right. What irritates me now is that I didn't think to do that earlier (yes, I am just that dense) - the same chick has been coming by the store several times before, 90% of the time with another girl (who was also with her tonight) and sometimes they've been bringing various boys along too. Thing is, it took me a couple of visits to realise that they in all probability were trying to steal stuff, and then for the longest time I thought I could keep them at bay all by myself by just following them closely at all times - which, as it turns out, is near impossible when you've got one person nagging at you with all sorts of questions and pretending to have trouble deciding on what kind of fast food to buy in one end of the store, while the other strolls "casually" and oh so innocently around with her conveniently oversized handbag behind the shelves over at the other end.

Now, if there's one thing I hate and fear more than just about anything else in the world, it's confrontation. In fact I am so immensely uncomfortable with it that it makes me physically unwell. I'll do practically anything to avoid it. I am a pushover. It is not something I am proud of, but the thought of standing up against whatever pressure I am facing makes me sweat. So for the past week, after Ali (store manager) told me I should ask her to leave or call the police, I have been dreading her next visit. And then it all went pretty well - surprisingly so, even! Yes, she did deny it and yes, she did say it was "unfair" and that she'd never stolen anything - but she left! And I didn't have to call the police!

With the way she's been acting, however, chances are she'll pop by again, when I'm not there, just to see if she'll be asked to leave then, too - and if she's not, she'll very likely come back to bother me again. Man, I hope not.
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I'm not really cranky, I just think the picture is so badass I want to use it all the time [May. 17th, 2009|12:29 pm]
Sent email to boss about taking days off in July - check
Booked hotel - check
Booked plane tickets - check
Written letter to rheumatologist - check
Printed letter to rheumatologist - ARGH STUPID PIECE OF CRAP WHY CAN'T YOU PRINT A SIMPLE DOCUMENT IN MONOCHROME WHEN YOU'RE JUST OUT OF YELLOW AND RED?!
Bought new printer (LASER AND MONOCHROME THIS TIME! Shut up, environmentally conscious people on my friends list) - pending


For the past couple of months, there has been a good chunk of money left in my account by each payday. Not *much*, but enough that I'm starting to build a pretty decent buffer for future rainy days. I feel so responsible and mature that my head might just explode from it.


I saw a badger when I went to work the other night! At first I thought it was a cat running across the street 20 metres or so ahead of me, but it looked too scared and un-domesticised to be a cat, and then I realised it had a short stubby tail, and quite a large rear end, and a more pointed nose and the characteristic grey/white fur and OMG IT'S A BADGER!!
So cool. Here, however, is not a badger, but a hedgehog that my sister and I spotted a couple nights back. We agreed that if I should ever be so misguided as to consider a career in wildlife photography, I'd have to concentrate on hedgehogs as my subject of choice because the poor wee creatures are just about the only ones that don't run fast enough to escape me.

I didn't realise just HOW scared it looked until I got the picture onto the computer from my mobile... Poor little bastard :( )
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(no subject) [May. 15th, 2009|04:09 pm]
[Mood | awake]

Stuff and things!

- I got paid today, which reminds me that I still need to get plane tickets and accommodations for my Lou Reed-concert-in-Manchester-trip. I keep worrying that I'll accidentally forget the whole thing.

- One of my coworkers was fired for stealing, so now I am the fourth oldest there - or second if you don't count the owner and the store manager.

- No, wait! Maria, a coworker and shift manager who's turning 26, feared and loathed by at least two people for her... shall we say, anger management issues, has been promoted to assistant store manager as of July 1st - making me the oldest of the peons. Bleh.

- My sister dragged me to the cinema (her ex got sick and ditched her after she'd paid the tickets) to see Fast & Furious, which was better than I had feared - but then I *am* easily entertained. I wanna be Vin Diesel when I grow up. Or, well, Dom Turetto.

- I was voted Employee of the Meeting in our staff meeting on Tuesday. (The title started out as Employee of the Month, but since we only have staff meetings once every two or three months and only vote during those meetings...) I am pretty sure I know who voted for me - both bosses, who for some reason seem convinced that I am doing a great job when I am just being slow; and probably the (other, friendly) shift manager, who is the person I talk to the most. I won a bottle of wine, which Owner-Boss had forgotten to bring. Just as well, considering my mother's opinion of alcohol and those who consume it.
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(no subject) [May. 8th, 2009|01:08 pm]
[Mood | sore]

Tonight at work I composed a list of Things Normal People Do That [info]jasmin_sane, For A Variety Of Reasons (Most, Nay, All Of Which Involving Arthritis To A Rather Large Extent), Doesn't. I would totally post it, but I don't have the time. Also, I have this sneaking suspicion that nobody would really care. So instead, I am looking online for my rheumatologist's address, which is certainly a much more constructive thing to do, albeit considerably scarier.
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(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2009|08:04 pm]
[Mood | hungry]

Random things!

- The sound of my phone charger (!) irritates me.

- I haven't lost any weight since March. I should probably be thankful that I didn't gain any over Easter, what with all the chocolate I had, but still.

- I have resolved to work on my forearms. Mostly because they are the only parts of me that will be relatively easy to get in shape.

- My sister is having so much Boy Drama(TM) right now it's not even funny. That is, I think it is, but it is also my big-sisterly duty to be concerned about her well-being, so I do worry a little.

- This sounds negative even though I didn't intend it to! What.

- I didn't tell you about that day last week when my workplace became The Gas Station Without Gas. It was rather uneventful for me, as I arrived just before midnight and only worked for like three hours - during which exactly one customer wanted gas - before we got more delivered, but my coworker who had been working since 4PM had not been as lucky and was quite frazzled. Apparently there had been some damage to the system that fills the giant underground tanks, and although the problem itself had been fixed, this had not been reported back to Shell, so they hadn't delivered any gas for something like two weeks. I wish I had a screen grab of the tank status - it was ridiculous. We had a couple thousand litres each of diesel and V-Power Racing; all the regular gas tanks were at less than 500 litres and nothing but air would come out when we started the pumps, yet the measuring system would calculate the prices as if there had been gas. Hilarious!

- I am working on Doing Something Constructive, but it's not easy.

- I asked my sister to buy me cheap vodka from abroad, but apparently the Poles do not drink Koskenkorva Nordic Berries. Bummer!

- The guinea pig seems to be recovering very well. It still prefers to not use its hind legs as much and thus will rather stretch for food or drink than walk over to it, but it can - and does, when scared enough - walk and run almost normally now. Quite the feat considering it was partially paralysed and looked as if it were dying when my sister found it :)
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(no subject) [Apr. 26th, 2009|02:10 pm]
[Mood | sad]

Noooooo! :(
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